


Five Times Ben and Leslie Had Phone Sex (and One Time They Didn't)

by Nutriyum_Addict



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: F/M, Phone Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-16
Updated: 2014-07-16
Packaged: 2018-02-09 03:25:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1967199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nutriyum_Addict/pseuds/Nutriyum_Addict
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The title kind of says it all. Five different phone conversations that have or lead to phone sex. And one that didn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. May 2012

**Author's Note:**

> Timeline: All over the place, through post-season 6.

"Hey, where are you? Aren't you here?" Ben looks around her cluttered living room, clearly confused, his phone clasped against his ear. Is she hiding behind a pile of something?

"Yeah, I'm still here but I'm upstairs. In the bedroom."

"Okay. Why are you calling me from your bedroom, Leslie?"

"You leave for DC in two days," she says simply.

"Right. But that doesn't explain why--"

"We should practice," she answers.

"Practice what?"

"The phone sex."

"I...really? We should?"

"Yes."

"Or I could just come upstairs and we could, um...have in-person sex?" Ben counters.

"You know, pretty soon, that's not going to be an option. We need to get good at the phone stuff. Six months is a long time."

"I'm sure we'll be good at the phone stuff. Great at the phone stuff," he assures her. But when she doesn't answer, he adds, "Okay. We can practice if you want."

"What are you wearing?"

"You just saw me like five minutes ago. You know what I'm wearing."

"Ben! That's how it has to start. Pretend you're in DC and that I didn't just see you."

"I don't think it has to start that way," he mutters, but then he smiles and turns off the TV. "But, fine, Councilwoman Knope, you win. I'm wearing jeans and that green and blue plaid shirt," he resists the urge to add, _that you just saw me in_.

"Mmmm, I like that shirt. Do you want to know what I'm wearing?"

"What are you wearing, babe?"

"Well, when I snuck upstairs, I took off my jeans and t-shirt and now I'm just in my blue bra and those black boy shorts-style panties you like. The one's that make my ass look so good. Oh, and I took my socks off too, because it was kind of silly looking to keep them on. And I didn't want to lie about not having socks on."

"I should come upstairs now," he says quickly because those panties really do make her ass look great but also because she's super adorable when she's talking about socks. But mostly...it's the panties.

"No! You have to stay down there. But, if you did come upstairs--which you can't--what would you do?"

He settles back on her couch, lies down, decides to play along with her. "I would kiss you."

"I would kiss you back and probably squeeze your butt," Leslie tells him.

"I know you would and then I would squeeze yours too," and then he starts laughing. "Sorry, just, god that sounded really dumb."

Ben hears her sigh in his ear before she says, "Okay, see, this is what I was afraid of. I love you and I like you but honestly, we _both_ really need to practice this."

He can't believe it but he kind of agrees. How on earth is she right about this? But then he really thinks about her upstairs, in her current state of undress and what he would do to her. What he'd be aching to do to her if they were separated by a 10-hour drive along I-70.

"I mean, this is cute and all so far, but--"

The words just start to come together in his head. "Leslie, I would slide my palm over your ass, rub my fingers against your skin--that cute little plump part that sticks out on the underside of your butt cheeks when you wear those panties? God, I love that spot. I would pick a side and skim my fingers over that luscious, curvy area while I kissed you. I would be so tempted to just spin you around, get down on my knees and lick and suck on that perfect little patch of skin like a ripe, juicy plum, but I would make myself wait."

He hears her gasp into the phone, smiles, and thinks, okay, this is pretty good. He continues, "I'd make you wait for it too. Until you were completely soaked, until you were begging me, so I could smell you when I was down on my knees behind you. Until then, I'd keep kissing you and nibbling on your lower lip, wrapping my arms around you, and pulling you closer."

"Oh...wow. God, um, that's...the stuff."

Ben laughs. "I really think I should come upstairs now--literally and literally. We've got two days. While I'm in DC we'll figure it out. I promise."

"Yeah, okay. I think maybe we've made some progress here...hello? Ben?"


	2. June 2012

"So, Ann and Donna took me out for flaming tequila shots the other night, followed by a drink or two at The Bulge. Thus, I was fairly drunk when I was on Skype with you later."

He laughs into the phone. "Yes, you definitely were."

"And I'm pretty sure I did something fairly...unseemly."

"I'm sorry, I'm not sure I heard you, did you say something fairly _awesome_?"

"Ben..."

"Leslie, that was absolutely the hottest thing I've ever seen. Even with the British accent."

She smiles despite herself. "Yeah, but you couldn't even see my face. I could have been anyone." _I could have been some hot, tall, brunette named Rebecca,_ she thinks. 

Leslie vaguely remembers telling him how she sometimes thought about being on her hands and knees, with him behind her when they were on the phone and then suggesting she do that for him on Skype. Of course Ben thought it was a great idea and that's all it took before she was drunkenly giggling and taking off all of her clothes as he watched from her laptop's screen. 

Then she also kind of remembers turning around to adjust the screen to his specifications a few times (that part was more complicated than she had anticipated), before facing back around on her knees, stretching her right hand down between her legs and working her vibrator against her clit, grinding down onto it and moaning while Ben watched--his words of encouragement quickly turning into gasps and groans from the laptop behind her. 

It was sexy but it also makes her feel a little weird now--kind of like a perv.

"I knew it was _you_ , that's why it was so hot. Besides, we were still talking during it," he assures her.

"I know, but I couldn't see you at all," she complains.

"You normally can't see me in that position."

"Yeah, but you're usually in the same room and I can feel you. The other night it was hard to even hear you. My face was kind of against the mattress...maybe I should have used my headphones? That might have helped."

There's a short pause before he starts talking. "Okay, I really don't want you to feel uncomfortable or weird about it. I thought it was amazing and you pretty much made my brain explode, but I don't expect you to do _that_ again over Skype if you don't want to."

"It's not that I don't want to do that again exactly, it's just..." She's not quite sure how to explain it.

"Well, why don't we just stick to the regular things where we both watch each other and save the really dirty stuff for when we're together? Which will be in exactly three weeks, two days, and 15 hours. At which time I think we should revisit this whole approach. And by that I mean, um, including your...uh, vibrator too, if you want. Because that was..." his voice trails off against her ear.

"Oh? _Ohhhhhh_. Yeah. That might be...yeah, okay. We should definitely do that." She shudders a little bit thinking about that, because wow, that would probably be a lot of fun. She's always kept Ben and her vibrator sort of separate, but... _why not_ introduce them to each other officially and in person? 

"Also, you forgot the 32 minutes. It's three weeks, two days, 15 hours, and 32 minutes until your visit," Leslie adds.

"And 32 minutes," he repeats, and she can hear the smile in his voice.

"The other night was hot, it just also seemed like it was kind of disconnected and porny."

"Well, by definition, all Skype sex seems a little porny."

"Yeah, maybe. But that was...super-porny." Like maybe Brandi Maxxxx level porny, Leslie thinks. Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's just a bit beyond her comfort level, maybe? She's not sure. There are parts of the long distance relationship thing that are more confusing than others.

"Babe, do I need to get hammered, get on my laptop, spin it around and give _you_ a show? Because I will if it would make you feel better. I'll go to a bar right now and--"

"No, no. Stop." She _is_ feeling better--just being open and discussing this with him. "Everything's good. I just want to lay in bed and talk to you right now, you sexy, wiry, political operative." 

In addition to everything else, she also remembers the look on his face after they both came the other night, when she was lying down, sheet pulled up to her chin, with the laptop resting on her stomach. They were in their separate beds, just talking about silly, stupid stuff. His eyes were sleepy but so soft and full of love when he smiled at her and asked about her day. There's no confusion about that.

She misses him more than she thought possible but she's happy he's having this amazing job experience in DC. One month down, five to go.

"I want that too," he says in her ear, then there's a pause before he asks. "So what are you wearing? Please tell me it's the NYMPHO pants."


	3. October 2012

"I'm going as Rosie the Riveter," she tells him and he's not expecting that, so he stops reading through the campaign poll numbers in front of him and gives Leslie his full attention. Takes her off speaker and holds the phone up to his ear.

"You are?" He pictures her in a denim shirt, jeans, red lips, and her hair hidden behind a red bandana, except for some blonde curls on top. Okay, well, he's getting all turned on by Leslie dressed as _Rosie the Riveter_ now. Good lord, how long has it been since they've seen each other?

Yeah," she says, and he can hear the smile in her voice. "What are you dressing up as?"

"Oh, I don't think anyone here is...doing that. So..."

"That's no fun. Okay, but if you were back home in Pawnee. What would you go as?"

"Would you want to do a couple's costume? Because wouldn't I be off to war?"

"No. No, I mean couple's costumes are fine, but it doesn't have to be that. Oh! But some year we should totally go as Princess Butter Cup and Dread Pirate Roberts!"

"The Princess Bride--I love that movie," he thinks that should be their first movie night after he gets back.

"Yeah, me too. But, this year...What would you be if you were dressing up and could be anything?"

He waits a few seconds. "Well, I do have a Batman costume at home in my closet."

"Really? How have I never seen that? Rosie the Riveter and Batman...I like it."

"Oh yeah?"

"Definitely. They'd make a great team."

"Huh."

"Yeah. I could help you fight crime."

"And I could help you rivet," he says and listens to her soft laughter. It makes his chest feel all warm and full. While he loves this exciting job and it's thrilling to be involved in politics (and being good at it--that's key), after finally finding a home in Pawnee, he's been surprised at just how lonely he is in DC, April's sarcastic and at times, infuriating company aside. 

He thought this would just feel like being on the road in Indiana--it's not. He knows what he's missing now. It's Leslie Knope. And racoons, and Crazy Ira and The Douche, and Ramsett Park, and Jerry tripping over something. But mostly, it's Leslie.

Ben takes a sip of his beer, pushes back the chair from his dining room table and walks over to the couch, sits down. It's only a few more weeks until he'll be back home in Pawnee. No more phone calls and evenings spent on Skype to feel close to her.

"We could rivet by day and fight crime by night," she suggests.

"But when would we have time to _do it_?" he asks.

"Anytime you wanted to, babe."

"Okay, I'm liking the sound of this. I think we can skip the whole, _what are you wearing thing_ tonight."

"Definitely." She makes her voice all deep, "You're Batman."

"I am. And do you know what Batman would like to do right now?"

"Tell me," her voice has that sexy, teasing tone that he recognizes well.

"Rivet you."

"What if I want to rivet you?"

"Well, I guess that would depend on who was stronger and got on top first. But remember, I'm a super-hero."

"I'm a feminist icon, buddy. And I have a drill."

"Okay, I know it's been awhile, but technically, I think I have the drill. Besides, Leslie--I'm a _Super Hero_ ," he says the words slowly, starting to let his mind wander to thoughts of her warm, cuddly, naked body beneath his. "I think I'm going to win. And I can hear you rolling your eyes."

"But you don't really have any super powers, do you? Just a cool suit and car. Some gadgets. So, how about if I win first, and then you win." He resists the urge to tell her how she's wrong, that the _Batmobile isn't just a cool car._

"Or you win first and then I win? And then you win again?" He grins, unzips his pants.

"Something like that," she agrees. "By the way, I should mention that I started touching my nipples a few minutes ago."

"Oh god, okay. Well, when you're ready, lick your finger so it's all wet, spread your legs, and then start touching your clit. Pretend it's my tongue against you, teasing you," if only, Ben thinks.

"Mmmm, Batman's tongue?"

"Yeah. Do you want Batman to go down on you, Rosie? For equality's sake?" He asks, starting to stroke himself.

"I do. But then I want to talk about how Rosie is gonna get on top of Batman and sink down on him, ride him until he _wins_ really hard." 

Yeah, he really wants to talk about that too...the poll numbers can wait until later.


	4. November 2013

She hears his pants and moans in both ears and she knows he's close. She's close too. She arches her back against the wall, the soft cotton of the surprisingly plush bath towel under her ass on the floor, pretends it's not her fingers, but Ben's sliding through her wet folds.

"God, Leslie, you're so..."

"Are you thinking about my mouth around you? My tongue licking you? I love having you in my mouth, Ben. Making you come that way."

"I love that too but I'm also thinking about how when I first push into you and you're so warm and tight and you start squirming and wiggling, even if I want you to stay still for a few seconds? When I tell you to stay still?"

"I can't help it," she giggles. "I get impatient for you to do things to me."

"I know. I don't really mind. Because when you don't stay still I get to give you a slap on the ass."

 _"Ilikethat_ ," it comes out in a rush and then she's orgasming against her fingers, waves of pleasure rocking through her body. She closes her mouth tightly to cover her moans and tries to stay quiet, the phone on the floor next to her, small white headphones in her ears. Seconds later Leslie hears him coming more quietly than usual too.

And then, "Shit. Okay, I don't remember where I saw a box of kleenex in my new office earlier. This was...not well-planned on my part."

"In one of the drawers? On top of the desk?" She guesses, pulling her underwear and pants back up, her bra and shirt back down.

"Hey, yeah, there it is. Thanks. Wait, why have you been you whispering. At first I thought it was to be all sexy, but you're still doing it."

"You don't want to know."

"Um, now I really do. Aren't you at home?"

"No."

There's a pause. "Hold on. Are you at Jamm's?"

"Yes, I told you I was going to..."

"I thought you were joking!"

"No. I was serious. I'm getting him to agree to the lock box for Pawnee Commons funding if it kills me. I told you that we were tied on our bills--remember my chart? This one will be mine. So, I'm staying here overnight to get an early start in the morning. Right now I'm in his downstairs guest bathroom." Leslie decides not to mention the whole karaoke part of her plan for tomorrow or how she borrowed the jackets from _that side_ of their closet.

"You just got me off from Jamm's bathroom? Wait. That means...you just masturbated in Jamm's bathroom?"

"He's a stupid jerk-face and he deserves to have someone masturbate in his stupid Japanese-themed guest bathroom, right on top of his super plush, expensive guest towels. And also, you're at your new job, Ben. That's not much better!" Plus, she's actually going to take the super plush, expensive guest towel that she's currently sitting on home with her. So there.

"I'm in my office with the lights turned off and the door locked. Besides, it's late, almost everyone is gone except for a few of us working on this super tricky accounting puzzle--I'd tell you about it, but my guess is that you don't really want me to do that."

"Nope. Thanks, babe."

"Right. Well, everyone else that's still here is in the conference room on the other side of the building."

"Okay, that is actually better than my situation. In addition to Jamm being upstairs, Chris is dressed like a referee and is sleeping out in the living room just a few feet away."

He starts laughing and soon she is too. Leslie stretches back against the wall, looks around the room.

"Hey, there's one of those fancy talking toilets in here with all the buttons and stuff. You think if I push all the buttons at once I can break it?"


	5. June 2015

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is more of a light R in terms of explicitness.

Even though it's only ten at night, Leslie's in bed already when her phone rings again. It seems that something about being pregnant and now having seven-month old triplets has given her a new outlook on sleep--she hopes this is maybe just a phase?

She grabs the phone from where it's resting on her stomach and answers it quickly. "Hey. How is she doing? Where are you now?"

"Hi. I'm at Stephanie's. We just got back from getting some food after the hospital. My mom's fine. Well, it was still a heart attack, but now we know it was a fairly minor one. Damn it, I don't think I packed deodorant," she can hear him rummaging around in the background, swearing softly again. "Anyway, she's going to be fine."

"Oh, babe, I'm so relieved."

"Yeah. Yeah, she may even be released the day after tomorrow."

"Good. How are you?" She asks, turning on her side and cradling the phone near her ear.

"I'm fine. Henry is flying in first thing in the morning. He was camping," he pauses, then sighs. 

Leslie hears his bed creak, imagines him sitting down in the spare bedroom at his sister's house. The room they stayed in when they were there last year. It's comforting that she can picture exactly where he is, even if she's in Indiana and he's in Minnesota.

"Actually, I'm really tired. And I miss you all so much. It's weird, but I really miss the way the babies smell."

She hears the catch in his voice and knows he's more upset than he's letting on. "We all miss you too. And don't worry, they'll still smell when you get home."

He laughs. "Good. So, is everything going okay? I'm so sorry that you have to deal with--"

"Ben, it's fine. We're all fine, really. I love you."

"I love you too. Your mom's there helping, right?"

"Well, actually, she's at a conference. I forgot she was going to be out of town, so--"

"Oh, god, Leslie. I'm sorry. I can come home tomorrow, my mom's okay."

"No, Ben, it's fine. You need to be there. Actually, you won't believe this but April and Andy are staying over in the guest room, helping with everything."

"Wait, what? April and Andy...from Pawnee? Or did you meet a new April and Andy since I left this morning?"

"Yeah, I know. But really, they're so good with them. They helped feed them. Change them. Earlier, Andy had all three babies crawling all over him, he said something about it being even better than cats, which I don't understand, but it was really cute. I took a picture to text you but I didn't want to bother you if something serious was going on with your mom."

"No. Send it. I want to see it."

"Okay, I will as soon as we get off the phone. There will also be a picture coming your way of Andy and your children all eating mashed carrots together...it got a little messy."

He laughs again. "I'm looking forward to that one too. If my mom's released on Thursday, I'll fly home that night."

"Okay."

There's a few seconds of comfortable silence before he breaks it. "You know, being in Partridge is really depressing unless you're here too. And also being looped out of my mind on morphine--that really helped last time as well. Hey, maybe I'll get kidney stones again?"

Leslie laughs. "It's just a couple of days. Your family needs you."

"My family is in Pawnee, where you and the kids are. But, yeah, I know what you mean." 

He still sounds so tired and burdened. It's making her stomach hurt. "You know, work isn't too busy right now. I could always fly out tomorrow morning... or maybe even drive. And then we could drive home together on Thursday. Oh! I could fly out tomorrow, first thing, and then we could rent a car and drive home when you're ready to leave. I'll just bring my laptop and..."

"No, babe. That's crazy. I'll probably be home in two days. You would basically get here, turn around, and have to head home. Plus, April and Andy helping out is one thing, but having them full-on babysit, even for only 48 hours--"

"Oh, god no. I would put the kids in my carry-on."

"You're joking, right?"

"Yes, Ben. But I could figure something out if you needed me."

"I always need you, but you stay there. It's under control. I'm just going to lay down and maybe close my eyes. But I want you to talk to me for a while."

"I can do that. Do your shoulders hurt, honey?" He always carries his stress in his shoulders.

"Yeah," he exhales deeply.

"If I were there--I'd have you take your shirt off and lay down on your stomach. I'd give you a back rub. For as long as you wanted."

"God, I would love that right now. It feels so good when you rub my shoulders and back."

"I'm glad. I like to make you feel good. Of course, after a while I'd have to move my hands down to your ass."

"Of course. I would expect nothing less."

"It's just so...tempting. It's really all your fault for having such a perfect butt. I would give you a _very happy ending_ if you wanted one. Want to hear about that? Like when I use my finger and--"

He snorts, cuts her off. "Whoa, okay, I'm in my little sister's guest bedroom, this can't get _that_ dirty."

"Sure it can. Go lock the door and we'll be quiet," she instructs and waits for him to laugh her off. But then Leslie hears him moving around the room and turning the lock on his door. She grins, makes sure the baby monitor's volume is up high, gets out of her own bed, and goes to lock their bedroom door too.


	6. September 2011

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter = PG.

"Hello," it's a little terse, but it's the best he can manage.

"You answered. I didn't think you were going to answer."

"I answered. What do you want, Leslie?" It comes out icier than he means it to and he feels bad, but doesn't know how to fix it. To fix any of this. When he broke up with her, Ben thought it would be easier to go back to just being friends. He can't believe how wrong he was. So now he's just sitting here and passive-aggressively waiting for her to say something.

"I just...I don't know. To hear your voice," she finally responds.

He sighs, but then more sad than unkind says, "You can't call me because of that."

"I know, but I think I'm still drunk. Donna dropped me off a couple of hours ago but..." she trails off.

"Yeah, I heard about that. And I'm not going to mention how messed up it is for a whole government department to get hammered during the day _at work_ , in some kind of weird backwoods drink-off with the department head's scary ex-wife and survivalist-type mother. Oh, wait, I guess I am going to mention that."

"When you say it like that, it does sound pretty messed up. But, to be fair, it seemed completely logical at the time. Plus, I really wanted to help Ron," she says, and he can hear the slur in her words now.

"I know you did," he replies, no hint of sarcasm in his voice. He even smiles briefly, he just can't help himself where Leslie's concerned. She's such a good person. And if he's honest with himself, he's pretty sure he's in love with her. So, that sucks.

"It was only me and April drinking. It didn't seem to really affect Ron. Everyone else in the department just watched." Then suddenly she switches gears on him. "I miss you."

"Leslie," he warns.

"It's true. I miss you and I want you to come over." 

And...this whole conversation just went from awkward to a hundred different levels of unbearable because she's crying now. It breaks his heart but he knows he has to be strong about this. Maybe if she wasn't drunk he'd give her words more weight, but he's pretty sure she's not even going to remember this phone call in the morning. From what he'd heard from Tom, Leslie got really, really shit-faced off of _Mama Swanson's million-proof hooch_.

"I'm going to call Ann and ask her to stop by your house, okay? Maybe stay with you tonight."

"Don't want Ann. Ben, I want you."

"Leslie. We're not together anymore. And I know you're drunk and sad. And I'm sorry, I really am, but I can't come over there and it's not fair of you to ask me to do that."

"Please, just tonight. It's okay, it would just be tonight...I miss the way you smell. And--" 

"Where are you?"

"What?" she sniffles, her sobs stopping momentarily.

"In your house, where are you?"

"Downstairs on the couch. Why? Do you want to do stuff on the phone?"

Ben brings a hand up to his forehead, tries to rub a sudden, sharp ache away while he tries to ignore _that_ question. "Okay, look, I want you to just stay there. Don't go to the kitchen and try to make waffles or anything."

She hiccups. "Okay."

"Okay," he says back.

"I'll be good. You're coming over?" He can hear the hope in her voice and it positively kills him.

"No. I want you to stay put until Ann gets there, okay? Can you do that for me?"

She doesn't even answer him, she's just crying again. Really hard. And all he wants to do is gather her up in his arms and kiss her tears away, take care of her. Hold her and never let her go. But he can't do any of that and he really has to end this phone call right now before he does something incredibly stupid, like get in his car and drive over to her house.

"Leslie, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You're going to be fine in the morning." 

Ben disconnects the phone, wipes his eyes and takes a couple of seconds to compose himself. He gives Ann a call and then heads to the bathroom--he suddenly feels like taking a bath. But he brings the phone with him because he made Ann promise to call him back when she gets to Leslie's and let him know that everything's okay.


End file.
